[story time] How I ended up naked in a Jacuzzi surrounded by Yakuza

In March 2018, we land in Osaka Japan. We’re thrilled to discover the land of the rising sun, especially since cherry blossom season is just around the corner. But the contrast is a bit harsh. To give you some context, we’d just spent a full month in a 3-star hotel in Hoi An for… 600 €.

In Osaka, we pay three times as much for a tiny place. The shower/bathroom looks like a closet, the apartment is poorly insulated, and we’re cold. So much so that we went and bought ourselves some warm pajamas at Uniqlo on the very first night.

I tried taking a shower once, not twice. Too small, too cold.

We decide to adopt the Japanese method and go wash every other day at the public baths : the sentos. They’re such a big part of Japanese culture that you’ll find several in every neighborhood.

While public baths in France are mostly seen as a service for the homeless, in Japan they’re a real way of life. It’s a place where you go to wash, shave, and also relax after a stressful day. You can enjoy baths at varying temperatures, from very hot to very cold, saunas (with a TV inside to catch baseball games!), hammams, jacuzzis, …

Sentos have two distinctive features:

• The experience is fully naked (don’t worry: men and women are separated)
• Tattooed people are not allowed (tourists might get a little leeway). Indeed, tattoos are the hallmark of yakuza, the members of the infamous Japanese mafia.

To mix things up, we try to go to a different sento each time. While onsens (similar to sentos but with thermal waters) attract tourists, sentos are far less popular with them. The Japanese are always very intrigued to see us, which always leads to funny anecdotes (picture yourself washing, completely naked, sitting on a stool, while chatting with an elderly Japanese man ^^).

Until one day I show up at a new sento. I’m the only foreigner, that’s nothing new. But all the other visitors are tattooed… from head to toe. Or more accurately, all over their bodies, except for the areas that show when you wear pants and a shirt. I immediately understand: I’m in the yakuza sento 😀

I’m a bit intimidated, but I figure that if I was able to buy a ticket to get in, nothing’s stopping me from being there. Then this scene happens: I’m in a jacuzzi. Five yakuza show up, and one of them approaches me:

– American?

– No, French!

I see he doesn’t understand my answer, so I clarify:

– France, Eiffel Tower! – all while mimicking the Eiffel Tower with my hands.

I see his face light up, he turns to his colleagues, laughing, to explain that I’m French (that’s what I imagine; maybe it was more to tell them there was no need to kill me).

Not speaking a word of Japanese, and them not a word of English, the exchange ended there. But the situation was funny enough that everyone I’ve told this anecdote to gets a good laugh.

Illustration: Photo by Horace Bristol – Yakuza Public Bath, 1974