[Thoughts] #9: Sickness & Guilt
If you’ve been following the travel diaries in Italy, you know that I’ve been spending lots of time at the dentist’s office since September 2020, while treating my maskne and I haven’t been well since.
In my family, we have a not very healthy relationship with diseases because there are two extremes: on my father’s side, everyone is in great shape, so at the slightest illness, it’s panic, we’re all going to die. On the mother’s side, everyone is constantly sick, so one illness more or less doesn’t change anything and doesn’t even deserve a visit to the doctor. Faced with illness, I adopt either the first or the second attitude, it depends on the mood of the moment, there are like two currents of thought that fight each other inside and one ends up winning.
I noticed dental problems in June and was able to consult a French dentist who, despite the X-rays, maintained that there was absolutely no problem.
I still had doubts around September but was reassured that if the dentist said there was no problem, I should be fine.
In September, as luck would have it, there was a flurry of comments on the blog about an article I wrote (a long time ago, too) about my dental problems. The more I received them, the more I kept thinking about my teeth and the more I got drunk. At first, I was very embarrassed to get them and it stressed me out to the point of crying. We often say that what we see in someone else is just a mirror of what we have at home. Each comment made me think about my dental problems all the time. I even thought about blocking them out before I changed my mind and thought it was better to leave a space where people could talk freely about them, and if it bothered me so much, it was because I still haven’t fully accepted the crown that is now a part of me.
Indeed, it was simply an invisible help, pushing me to listen to my intuition & go and ask for a second opinion from a very reputable dental practice in Italy. We discovered problems that needed to be solved immediately, my intuition was good. The French dentist chose to ignore them because that’s how it is in France.
Immediately after this “verdict”, I felt guilty, but really. For taking so long to get a second opinion.
Moreover, these problems could have been partially avoided if I had followed the protocol shown by my Canadian dentist a year ago.
Guilty of having to re-spend a ton of money to deal with exactly the same problems year after year.
I find that I don’t like myself enough to follow the protocol to the letter, to listen to my intuition and to listen to my needs.
Well, it took me several months to finally come to terms with all this.
I didn’t do it on my own, but thanks to a very upsetting session with a chiropractor who opened my eyes.
Now I am at peace with myself.
I sincerely believe that everyone acts to the best of their knowledge, beliefs and abilities. We are all human with our fears and limitations. We don’t make the best decision every time, but the best decision given our abilities at the time. Our body also does its best, but it isn’t infallible and we simply have to accept it.
If you feel guilty right now, forgive yourself and tell yourself that you did the best you could. It’s OK too, if you can’t cope on your own, to ask for outside help.
Take care of yourself!
