[Reflection] #36: Why Do Opportunities Slip Away from Us?
I recently rewatched the BBC series BBC North & South and one scene struck me so much that it inspired this article. It doesn’t exist in the novel, yet it deserves our attention, because it perfectly illustrates why opportunities slip away from us.
Reason #1: Because We Think We Know What Others Have to Tell Us
In the series, Mr. Bell has been tasked by Miss Hale to convey crucial information to Mr. Thornton. The latter is hopelessly in love with her but convinced she has a suitor. Mr. Bell is to reveal that this “suitor” (glimpsed in Miss Hale’s company) is none other than her brother, whose existence is kept secret because the British Navy considers him a criminal. Here is the exact moment when Mr. Bell is about to reveal the secret:
Mr. Bell: You might be mistaken, Thornton, if you thinkMiss Hale has a bad opinion of you.And you might not judge heras harshly as you do. In fact…
Mr. Thornton: As you say, Mr. Bell,your business in Milton’s finished. And now the future of this mill is no concernof yours. I’m afraid I’m busy, too. Good day.
Translation:
Mr. Bell: You might be mistaken, Thornton, if you think Miss Hale has a bad opinion of you. And you might not judge her as harshly as you do. In fact…
Mr. Thornton: As you say, Mr. Bell, your business in Milton is finished. And now the future of this mill is no concern of yours. I’m afraid I’m busy, too. Good day.
If Mr. Thornton had simply let Mr. Bell finish his sentence, his life would have taken a different turn. But he cut him off, and it took several months (and a bankruptcy) for him to learn the truth, through a different path, via Mr. Higgins.
A similar thing happened to A. (some details have been omitted to protect the identities of those involved). A colleague, B., had been unfairly fired. A. didn’t work directly with her, so she hadn’t gotten the details at the time, but she was told that one day, B. left the company in tears and was never seen again. A month later, a top manager, C., confided in A. that he sincerely regretted what had happened: someone had lied, B. had been wrongly sacrificed, and it weighed on him.
A week after that confession, A. runs into B. on the subway. After a polite “hello,” she opens her mouth, ready to tell her what she knew, convinced it would do B. good to learn that she wasn’t in the wrong, and that those who had pushed her out regretted it. But before A. could even utter a word, B. might have been afraid of being asked if she’d found another job, or maybe she thought A. was on the same side as those “bad guys” who had fired her; B. treated her with disconcerting coldness, as if she didn’t exist. The person accompanying B. was as stunned as A. by B.’s rudeness.
A. thought to herself: this information costs me to share, and B. isn’t even in a state to hear it. That’s a sign. So she kept quiet. And B. will never know what A. had to tell her.
That’s the whole paradox: information or opportunities often cost a lot to those who want to offer them to us. Recommending someone puts their reputation on the line. Sharing a business idea means risking choosing the wrong partner. Passing on sensitive information means exposing yourself. So the bigger the opportunity, the more the person wanting to share it will first probe, observe, test, assess whether we’re ready to receive it. And if we’re not—if we interrupt, if we shut down, if we get offended, if we project hostility—they’ll keep it all to themselves. Without ever saying a word. And we’ll never know what we let slip by. So we have to let people finish their sentences!
Reason #2: Because we say “no” too often
One day, I was tested, without knowing it, by a friend of a friend. He first pointed me to a small client. Normally, I would have declined—it’s not the type of assignment I usually take. But that year, I’d decided to say “yes” to everything. So I accepted, and I handled that small client with as much care and attention as I would have for a big client. Result? That friend of a friend was so impressed that he finally revealed his true intentions: he wanted to entrust me with something much bigger. The small client was just a test since we’d never worked together before. Behind it was a big contract with another client. If I’d said no right off the bat (out of habit, principle, or greed), I’d never have signed that big deal. And I’d never even have known it existed.
That’s it, we never gauge the extent of what we miss. By turning down small contracts in the past, I’ve surely let plenty of bigger opportunities pass me by. But I’ll never know. Missed opportunities don’t announce themselves. They vanish in silence, and if you’re sitting there wondering “why don’t opportunities come my way?”, you have to ask yourself if you’re saying “no” too often.
I’ll share with you an excerpt from a blog that no longer exists, but you can read the full article via the Wayback Machine (link)
I don’t want to waste any more time on this!
It was in my first phase of blogging. I didn’t yet know how it worked or how a blog could be profitable, but I had understood that it allowed you to at least partially live from your passion. Olivier Roland’s blog got me on track with all the books he reviewed with links to Amazon. This friend, who is very close to my little family and whom we’ll call Jessica, was complaining for the millionth time that she was broke in the middle of the month and that the situation was getting difficult. Fortunately for her, her mortgage payment comes at the beginning of the month; she would surely have had serious problems otherwise. She is very intelligent and understood that she wouldn’t solve her money problems with consumer credit.
(Me) Would you be interested in earning between 500 and 5000 euros a month by working a few hours a week? At your own pace?
(Jessi, a sparkle in her eye) Yes, I’m listening!
(Me) I found a very interesting blog. The author read one book a week last year and he shares his reviews for each book with an Amazon link that earns him between 5 and 10% per sale. Plus, if the interested person fills their cart with other items, the commission also goes to the blogger! So, your passion is education, everyday problems, social issues, and children. You could read one book a week on the subject, write a summary and analysis, and craft an article on a topic you enjoy. The theme is interesting, will find an audience, and your degree and profession in these fields will give you the credibility to get started. The further you go, the stronger you’ll be in this field, and the more audience you’ll have, so the more money.
(Jessi) But I don’t have time, with the kids, the housework, and all that.
(Me) In that case, you hire a cleaning lady for 100 or 200€ per month who would do that work for you, and I would take care, for 30% of your income, of everything IT-related: setup, domain name, and so on.
(Jessi) I still don’t have enough time, and I don’t want to waste even more time on this!My explanations stopped there.
Here, the opportunity is presented in its entirety. Concrete solutions are given, and Jessica clings to her counterarguments. She doesn’t give herself time to reflect, doesn’t even try, and is convinced she doesn’t have time. The article dates back to 2010; it was the golden age of blogs and AI didn’t exist yet. Jessica indeed had every chance of earning between €500 and €5000 by reading a book a week. If Jessica changes her mind and executes this project now in 2026, the timing is bad. So Jessica missed the opportunity and the timing. The blogger in question has many more tips to share with Jessica because he’s an expert in investing, but faced with her reaction, he will never share good opportunities with her again. In Vietnamese, there’s an expression: “nghèo bằng thực lực”: “Gifted at staying poor,” meaning some people are particularly talented at putting sticks in their own wheels at every opportunity that comes their way.
I have a friend who is a business owner, ultra successful. I noticed something remarkable about him: every time I proposed an out-of-the-ordinary experience, even if it didn’t fit his habits or interests at all, he always said “yes.” Without hesitation. Because he trusted me. And it was only after, once the experience was lived, that he gave his verdict: whether he liked it or not. I always admired him for that, especially since I took him to truly “off the beaten path” places that 99% of people would have refused outright, but he just went along. In the series Nine Perfect Strangers season 2, a billionaire character embodies exactly that same energy. Walking barefoot in the snow? Yes. Swimming in ice-cold water? Yes. The guy was curious, wanted to try everything, and backed down from nothing. And I think it’s a rare and precious quality: daring to say yes before knowing if you’ll like it. Experience things first. Form an opinion later. Not the other way around. That’s how you attract opportunities.
